How do I know if adoption is right for me?

How do I know if adoption is right for me? 

Best Answers

  • Answer ✓
    I have always believed that our families are set apart for us in heaven, and that it is our job, as parents, to find our kids in order to make our families complete. For some people it is simply (or not simply, depending on your fertility and health issues!) a matter of getting pregnant and giving birth, but for others of us we may have to travel far and wide to find the kids that were meant to live in our home. For me, I knew adoption was the right path for me to take after I did a lot of research on infertility treatments, and a lot of soul-searching. I realized that the cost (at the time) of in-vitro fertilization was going to be pretty steep, and that there was no guarantee that I would have a successful pregnancy. I also came to the realization that, for me, being pregnant was not the most important part of the journey--becoming a mother was what I wanted more than anything. (This isn't always the case for everyone, of course. For some women pregnancy and child birth is one part of the process that they desperately want, and that's ok too!) Once I realized that I wanted a child more than a pregnancy adoption really felt like the right fit for my husband and I. We further felt confident in our decision when we met with the right agency and caseworker and realized that we were one step closer to becoming parents. Some people choose to go through private agencies, others feel drawn to fostering and adopting from the state, and other families choose to adopt children from different countries. Whatever path you take, however you find your children and grow your family, just know that being a parent is hard for everyone, no matter how those kids got to you. Think about what is most important to you and your family, and I am certain that there will be an option that feels right! You can do this, just take it one step at a time!
  • Answer ✓

    I will first say that adoption is not right for everyone. It is a selfless kind of love, even for the adoptive parents. No matter why you found yourself wanting to pursue adoption, it is an emotional process.

    For my husband and I, we were unable to have our children biologically. We had always wanted to adoption, whether it was our only option or not. It did, however, became our only way, but we also wanted it. We would love an adopted child no differently than if we were to have a child naturally. And we both felt that way.  So my advice to you, is that if you are going to adopt a child, with your spouse, please make sure you are both on the same page. Adoption is hard enough as it is, you need to have the support of your spouse.  

    I also suggest that you dig down deep in your heart and ask yourself if you can love a child that you did not give birth to? Not because you wished you had given birth to the child but because he/she was born to another woman. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life. We have plenty of family that has adopted and then when we adopted our son, I finally realized what it meant to love another woman’s child. It truly is beautiful. If you want some general information regarding adoption, you should check out: adoptionarticles.com.

    My other piece of advice. Ask others about their experience. You will be amazed at how many people have adopted. And everyone has a story. Sometimes it is great to get more perspective and know what they went through, it may help you become aware of situations that may come up in your adoption process.

    No matter what you decide, know that adoption from the start, comes from the heart.

Answers

  •      This is a really great question, and it's important to be 100% sure of your answer before you start the adoption process. The first thing you want to do is make sure that you're doing everything for the right reasons. I will tell you right now that if you are looking to adopt for the purpose of 'saving' a child, you shouldn't do it. A child is not an act of charity, and they will know if you adopted them for this reason. I have talked to many adoptees that felt like a dog that was adopted because no one else wanted it. On the flip side, a child shouldn't be adopted purely for your own desires. Adopting a child to put a band aid over the hole in your heart that is infertility is unfair to a child as well. Here is an article about some other good things to think about as you consider whether you want to adopt for the right reasons 

    https://adoption.com/5-red-flags-in-yourself-before-adoption
     
         Before you make the decision to adopt, get as educated as you can. Learn about ethical adoptions, birth parents, open adoption, and most importantly, adoptee rights. https://adoption.com/articles is a great place to start learning more about adoption. If you know any people who are a part of the adoption triad, reach out to them and ask about their stories. 

         As sappy as it sounds, when you are thinking of adopting and you know you'd be doing it for the right reasons, "When you know you know". It's almost like "How do I know if I should marry this person?" If you think about it long and hard and follow your heart and it feels right, adoption might just be the best thing for you. Here is another article that has some great thoughts about how to know if adoption is right for you. 

    https://adoption.com/know-right/

    Best of luck!
  • I am always an advocate for adoption. However, I also realize that not everyone is meant to adopt. I firmly believe everyone is meant to support adoption, however it is not always right for some to care for a child. I also understand that there are many who worry that adoption is not right for them, but many of the reasons are often surface level. Hesitance to adoption is often times based off of adoption myths

    The previous replies have been great in noting many ways to tell if you may or may not be right for adoption. Many times, it is a matter of just not being ready to adopt. However, there are a few reasons you may not want to adopt. If you are married, it is important to make sure that your partner is also on board with adoption. You do not want to create a situation of resentment for yourself or the child. If you are struggling financially, it may also not be the right time to adopt. 

    While it is ok to not have a perfect past, there are some things in our past or present that may prevent adoption or make the choice for you. If you have a criminal record that involves a felony or any crime against a child or protected people group (i.e. disabled, elderly) you may not be eligible to ever adopt. It would be important to contact an agency to find out the law about your situation. If you are currently suffering from a terminal illness or have recently been in remission, you may not be eligible to adopt. This may change if your health improves. 

    The other replies have sufficiently covered many other reasons I would also echo. At the end of it all, you may find that you are "right" to adopt but just not "ready." That is perfectly ok. Just make sure that you are not letting small details prevent you from a calling to adopt. Feel free to search information about how to afford adoption and what it would take to adopt at Adoption.com! 


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