How do I respond to, "Why didn't my biological parents want me?

What if my child says "Why didn't my biological parents want me?

Best Answer

  • This question can be such a tough one to tackle as their is really no good answer that will truly satisfy a child. They do not really want to know why their biological parents did not want them. The question they are likely really asking is "why was I not good enough?" or "What was wrong with me?" 

    When your child asks this question, if you have an open adoption, it is likely good if possible for you child's birth parent(s) to affirm to the child that they are loved. If it is not an option, based on your child's age and understanding, let them know that their placement had nothing to do with them as a person. Simply that their birth parent was unable to parent. It would have been the same if it were any child. Reaffirm their self worth as much as possible. 

    It is likely that they are hearing phrases in their life in regards to pregnancy such as "unplanned" or "unwanted" or "crisis." Kids at school may have expressed opinions on adoption. It is hard when a child comes of age and tries to measure their worth to their origin story. 

    If you are able to tell your child the truth about why they were placed, that can often mean a lot. For my children, while I won't go into great detail until they are older, I can confidently tell them that both of their birth parents loved them. They wanted the very best life for them. They had hopes and dreams for them. They were not able to parent, so chose to place them specifically with us so they could see those dreams come true. 
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