What if my boyfriend wants to parent, but I don't?

I am pregnant and my boyfriends wants to parent but I don't.

Best Answer

  • edited September 12 Answer ✓
          That's a really tricky situation, one that I was once in. There is no easy answer for this, it's very specific to your situation. If at all possible, I would strongly urge you to come to an agreement on this. Communication is absolutely key. There are some key questions you both should consider.
         The first is safety. It depends on the situation of course, but sometimes the relationship between the birth mother and father isn't safe. If there is any kind of domestic violence or other abuse going on, it might be best for you to make this decision on your own to protect your child. 
         Assuming that this relationship is safe and amicable, the second thing to consider is simple- the reasoning behind your differing opinions. Both of you should make honest pro-con lists about both of the options. Then come together and discuss the reasons. Remember that these reasons should always be focused around the well being of the child. 
          Placing a child is hard, and it hurts. If you do decide to place, here is an article that might help you understand what he is feeling. 
         Sometimes there is no way of agreeing on the best thing to do. In this case, things can get ugly. Overriding his opinions should be the last resort- it is not fair to deny him the right to raise his child (assuming again that he is in a place where he could parent). It can also cause a lot of issues with getting the adoption finalized. Legally, it gets really ugly, and you'd have to get his parental rights terminated in court. Again, if it's at all possible, try not to do this.
          Here are some articles about his rights that you should both be aware of. Like the article says, specifics change from state to state, but they do exist. https://adoption.com/considering-domestic-adoption-what-you-need-to-know-about-birth-father-rights

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