Why are birth mothers so important?

Why are birth mothers so important?

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  • Answer ✓
    The answer to this question may vary in response depending on the reasoning for asking and the tone with which the question is being asked. Generally speaking, the obvious provides reasoning of birth mother importance. Birth mothers who place their children for adoption not only provide their children with a chance at life, but provide families a chance at having children who might not otherwise have that chance. However, birth mother's are not only important in the beginning of an adoption, but throughout. It is important that adoptive parents and agencies alike recognize and respect their value. 

    Birth mothers are invaluable as they will forever be a part of the child whom they place for adoption. That child will grow and one day may want to know where they came from. It is hard wired in our biology to seek out that familial connection. Both the birth mother and the child who was placed may go through a some sort of grief even multiple times throughout life as this familial connection is severed. This is one reason I am such an advocate of Open Adoption when it is possible. Open adoption allows this grief and the child's search for identity to be less of a trauma. 

    Adoption does not have to be the end of a familial relationship and open adoption does not have to dampen the creation of a new family. Birth mother's can be included and maintain a relationship with their child while their child forms new bonds with their adoptive family. Maintaining that relationship allows a child to have a sense of normalcy. Their relationship with each mother or each father will be completely different. Kids are resilient and are very much able to have distinguishing relationships. 

    Birth mothers remain important for the growth and health of the child. They are able to provide medical and family history while being available if any questions need to be answered. Read more about an adoptive mom's relationship with her child's birth mother here. 
  • Answer ✓
         Birth mothers matter so, so much. And I'm not just saying that because I am one. I think oftentimes we birth mothers aren't talked about much- children just magically show up at hospitals to be picked up by their new parents, with the birth mother being totally erased from the story. This just isn't right. 
              Without birth mothers, there would be no adoption. I often feel like this is the only way some people view birth moms as important. This makes me sad. But it's reality- if we didn't exist there would be no babies to adopt. This sounds as if children are a commodity, and that's just not true. Birth mothers are so much more than just incubators for adoptive parents. 
         We do not cease to exist after the adoptive parents take the baby home. We will ALWAYS be a part of our birth children. My birth daughter has my eyes and her birth father's smile. She is sassy and stubborn, just like I was at her age. She and I share blood, and it shows. I have an open adoption, so I get to have a relationship with my birth daughter and the bond we share is so incredibly special. Just because I am not parenting her doesn't mean our relationship is meaningless. 
         Birth mothers choose adoption for various reasons-  here's a few. http://https//adoption.com/4-reasons-i-chose-to-place-my-baby-for-adoption. The vast majority of birth mothers place children because they feel like it is the absolute best thing for the child. That's a whole lotta love and a whole lotta sacrifice- and that's important. 
         I do not replace my birth daughter's adoptive mom- she is her mom, and always will be. That relationship is incredibly important. We can both matter at the same time. The daughter that I bore and she raised deserves to have a relationship with both of us. We both play crucial roles in her life. The love and sacrifice of a birth mom is always important. 
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