What's the minimum age difference for adoption?

My marriage of 14 years ended few years ago and my 15 year old daughter went to live with her dad. It was hardest decision I've ever made but I love her unselfishly and her dad could give her the things she needs to be a successful adult. Or I thought. My ex and his wife have brainwashed my baby girl and they just told me that when she turned 18 her stepmom adopted her.  I was never notified and I've cried daily since the pain is too much. Ok my question is: her stepmom is only 6 years older than her, can she be adopted by such a young stepmom? 

Best Answers

  • Answer ✓
    I'm so sorry to hear that. What a tough situation to be in, you must miss her very much. I'm a birth mother myself, so I feel for you. 

    To answer your question- yes, she can. The age to adopt in most states is between 21 and 25, and it doesn't really matter the age of the child. There's not really an established minimum age difference between an adoptee and an adoptive parent. This small of an age gap certainly isn't typical, but it is legal.

    Since your daughter was eighteen and consented to it, the stepmom can adopt. It sounds like your daughter has already been adopted, and if it were a problem the courts definitely wouldn't have let it go through. 

    I hope that even though your daughter was adopted by her stepmom that eventually you can have a relationship with your daughter. Just because you are no longer legally her parent doesn't mean she can't choose to have contact with you. 

    Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's such an incredible loss, and it's hard to understand if you haven't been through it. Know that you are not alone, and that you can get through this. 
  • Answer ✓
    Yes. When a child turns 18, they have the legal right and capabilities to choose for someone to adopt them, no matter the age, just as they can change their name. I am sorry that you are feeling such hurt because of this. 

    With her being 18, it may also be a good time to write her a letter or reach out in some capacity. As you have felt she was brainwashed by your ex and his wife, it is important that you make the letter simply about you and your choices. While you thought you were doing what was best for her by letting her go, she may not feel the same nor understand why. 

    Understand and respect her decision for the adoption. You will likely have to build a new relationship on fresh ground. Whatever you do, I would suggest treading lightly. Just as you would hope someone would understand your feelings and for your daughter to understand your choices, it is important for you to understand that her experience was likely entirely different. 

    If you would like to read more about reuniting, click here. 
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