How do I respond to anti-adoption comments?
I was shocked to discover that there is a group of people out there who actually, actively hate adoption. How do you respond to people who say that all adoption is bad, that all adoptive parents are baby stealers, and that all birth moms are dupes?
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My initial response is one of defense. As a person who has always stood up for herself, I find it very hard at times to say nothing, do nothing, when people are being mean or hurtful to me or my friends.
I am guessing I am not alone in that line of thinking, right?
But in this instance, is it better to fight or—in a very real sense—take flight and back down? What is the best path to take?
First off, trying to reason with people who are actively anti can be a lost battle in and of itself. Some may be thinking that's not true, and you may be right. However, in my experience, people who are anti in any way really can't be turned in the set course they are moving in. I liken it to trying to stop a moving, fast-flowing river. You can talk and shout all you want at the river, but is it really going to go anywhere? In the end, have you stopped that moving river from going in its course?
It's a harsh reality, but people who have such deep set feelings and strongly oppose anyone really can't be reasoned with at that time. You won't be able to change their opionion, and getting in a fight will not help anything. It will only make things worse. Both sides will feel deeper pits of resentment which will fester and grow till consumption.
So to answer your question, "How do I respond to anti-adoption questions?" I feel like the answer is you just have to bear your heart out about how adoption is a beautiful thing and that you believe it with all your heart and then end the conversation like that. They'll probably respond and tell you you're an idiot and that you're a baby snatcher, but you have to just let those comments roll away. They're not true. You know it; we know it. I know it's hard to do, but really, that's the best way. You just can't let comments like that hurt you and your family.
Someday, overtime, that raging river will thin and slow down. Maybe then, if you ever have an encounter like that again, you will be able to change the course of their thinking. But it really has to be done in a way that is nonconfrontational. Maybe try standing at the edge of the corral and shaking the oats at the horse instead of running at it, oats flying out of the pail. The point is, aside from all these metaphors, you win more friends with sugar than you do with salt. A more positive experience with a person who truly understands adoption may one day change a person who feels resentment and hate towards adoption.
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