An open adoption is beneficial to your child in so many ways. Adoptees who have closed adoptions spend their whole lives wondering where they came from. They wonder who they looks like. The adopted kids have awkward experiences in school when it's time to do the big family tree project. Sometimes they don't even know their ethnicity. Not to mention that they have little to no medical history. It's your choice on what type of adoption to have, but as an adoptee I wish mine had been open. I had a wonderful childhood, and I didn't miss out on anything. Humans have an innate need to know their biological history. It doesn't matter what kind of parent you have, that need doesn't change. My desire to know was in no way a reflection on my parents.
I reunited with my birth family as an adult. I have four sisters that I missed knowing about growing up. My birth father passed away before I found them. I would really have liked to meet him. I know based on my birth mother’s steroid induced diabetes that I need to strictly limit the steroid use of my asthmatic son. None of them have replaced my adoptive family. They are like having an extended family.
You can control how much contact you allow in an open adoption. You can use just email correspondence with photos. You can keep contact to phone calls and texts. Some parents in open adoption have joint birthdays and Christmas. It's up to you, and no matter how much or how little you communicate, the child is your to raise how you want and to discipline as you see fit. It really just depends on what works best for your family.
If you choose open adoption you will take all the mystery surrounding your child’s history and the future of their health away. Open adoption isn't for everyone, but you owe it to your child to at least consider it.
An open adoption is not for everyone. It’s hard. It requires
work. It requires a faith in believing what you are doing is what is best for
your child. In fact, it is quite challenging, at times. But so is parenting.
There are things we do as parents that we don’t always want to do. In fact,
parenting in general is hard.
First, let’s look at what open adoption is. Open adoption is
having an open relationship with the adoptive child’s birth parent(s). What
that communication will look like, is up to you as the adoptive parents and the
birth parents. I can tell you from personal experience, this is not an easy
task. In fact, when we first started our adoption process, I was terrified of
the idea of open adoption. I thought, why would I want someone else being a
part of my child’s life. Then we had our son and I was proven wrong.
We have a very open relationship with our adopted son’s
birth mom and her entire family. We have gone on vacation together, we have
celebrated birthdays and Christmas’ together and see them at least four times a
year. We also call, text, and e-mail, at least weekly. One of the many reasons I love having our
open adoption is because I can ask our son’s birth mom questions about family
history, medical history, hereditary issues, etc. I also know as our son gets older, he is going
to have questions we are not going to be able to answer. I also know, that when
he has those questions, she will be there to answer them.
And just to clarify, you are your child’s parent. You are
who will be there to put a band-aid on when they fall down. You will be the one
who holds their hand as they walk to school. You will be the one who teaches
them to read, to write, to spell, to drive, etc. You will be the one who walks
them down the aisle. You will be the one they call when they need their mom or
dad. Just because you have an open adoption with his/her birth parents, doesn’t
make you any less of a parent. In fact, if you ask me, it makes you a better
parent because you are putting the needs of your child before what your heart
If you are questioning how you feel about open adoption,
know that it is ok to question it. But if you continue to question it, you may
want to reconsider your plans as you need to be in 100% to make the open
If you want more information, check out some of these links or check out my open adoption story at www.threeismyhappyplace.com: