Can I have a relationship with my baby after placing for adoption?

Can I have a relationship with my baby?

Answers

  • edited March 12
    Expectant mothers have a lot of options when creating an adoption plan, so it depends on what kind of relationship you want. There are three main types of adoptions: closed adoption, semi-open adoption, and open adoption.

    Closed adoptions don’t have contact between the birth parents and the adoptive parents after the child is born. Even if the birth parent knows the name and location of the child, if they aren’t in contact with the birth parents, it’s considered a closed adoption.

    A semi-open adoption has structure around the ways and the amounts that adoptive and birth parents communicate. This is usually decided during the adoption process early on so both can clearly state what they would like or what they’re comfortable with and set something they agree on.

    The last way--open adoption--seems the most like what you’re asking about. Open adoption allows for free contact between birth parents and adoptive parents at whatever level everyone is comfortable with. Many develop relationships with all involved, and it just made a larger family for the child. Lots of birth moms have great relationships with the adoptive parents on their own as well as being in their child’s life. Many people think that open adoption is healthiest for everyone involved, and especially for the child. They are able to know all sides of their adoption story from the beginning of their lives, and can interact openly with their birth family. It can also create a stability for adoptive parents to have others to talk with unendingly about their child to someone who will care just as much as they do.

    I guess the shortest answer would be yes, you can have a relationship with a baby you decide to place, but what kind of relationship you have is largely up to you in creating an adoption plan and then as you find and talk with adoptive parents.
  • Before you place your child for adoption, you will have to create and adoption plan. In that plan, you can specify what kind of contact you would like to have with the child you are placing. In general, the choices are open, semi-open, or closed...but there is a wide variety in how semi-open and open adoptions may look in your specific case. 

    My children are both adopted. While we are open to open adoptions, their birth families have chosen different paths. My older child's birth mother has chosen to not meet him and only receive letters once a year. My younger child's birth mother has chosen annual letters with the option to meet once a year; However, she has not chosen to meet him since he was born.  I know other adoptive families where the birth mother goes on lots outings with the family. Still others have a relationship where they go to birthday parties and certain holidays with the birth family. 

    In short, the degree of the relationship you have with the child depends on what you and the adoptive family agree upon. Though the agreement isn't legally binding and is more of a handshake agreement, you'll find that most adoptive families are willing to let you have some form of relationship with the child since knowing you is for the good of the child.
  •      You absolutely can! I do! Open adoption is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wasn't in a place where I could parent my little girl, but that doesn't mean I don't love her and want to have a relationship with her! It's been two years since I placed and my adoption has remained very open. I see my birth daughter 6-8 times a year. She's getting old enough that she remembers who I am, and is starting to grasp what a birth mom is. We have a really special relationship. I saw her a few weeks ago, and she ran right up to me, grabbed a book and plopped down on the floor with me to read it. She was full of snuggles and kisses and we were both so happy to be around each other. 
          That's the other great thing about open adoption- it's not just great for me to be a part of my life, it's great for her. She gets to know where she came from and how loved she is by her birth parents. If she ever has any questions, she can come straight to us and ask. There can never be too many people to love a child. 
         If you want an open adoption, one of the most important things you can do before you place is to choose the right family. After you place your baby, you don't have any rights to visitation. It's all based on trust, and the adoptive parents can change their minds whenever they want. When getting to know hopeful adoptive couples, make sure you're on the same page as far as openness. I've seen a lot of situations where a girl places with a family and they both say they want an open relationship, but 'open' means different things to them. Sometimes the expectant mom will assume 'open' means lots of visits while the adoptive parents think 'open' means pictures once a year. Before you place, agree with your family on what exactly you can expect. This avoids a lot of miscommunication and hurt feelings. 
         I did that with my birth daughter's parents and it's worked out really well. Things grow and change- when she was born, I saw her every other week, two years later it's every other month. If one of us moves, it probably will be less than that. When my birth daughter is old enough to have an opinion on what kind of openness she wants, it will mostly be up to her. You just have to be flexible. I made friends with her parents before I placed with them, and that friendship and trust has only grown. I know that they'll keep their promises, because they've proved it to me. 
         Long story short, yes, you can have a relationship with your child even if you place them for adoption. Just pick a family who wants that too, communicate, and build a friendship. I wouldn't trade my open adoption for the world. 
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