The biggest question for most adoptees is “why?”. While open adoption provides insight and adoptive parents can give some guidance to deal with this question, it may never be fully understood or answered.
As you might have noticed, I’ve been asked a lot of questions about my experience with adoption. It seems that this blog has become an outlet for answering those questions after years and years of thought. I think one question I was asked that is probably the most important to answer is: “Why did they just give you away?”
This is also by far the hardest question anyone could be expected to answer. It’s the question that gets down to the nitty-gritty of adoption. When it’s worded this way, I feel my back stiffen a little, and I get defensive of my own worth. I think the phrase “give away” is what does it for me. When you give something away, it’s painless and easy – like handing off a baton in a relay. Even though the question is meant to be harmless, it stirs an emotion like my existence is somehow devalued. The bond between a mother and her child is so unbreakable that just “giving away” a baby is absurd to me. It’s more than giving your child away, rather it’s giving a piece of yourself.