Reuniting with birth family can be a pivotal moment in the life of someone who was adopted. It can also stir up a lot of emotions for adoptive parents, as is so aptly illustrated in this letter written by an adoptive mom who isn’t so sure she likes the new connections her son is forging with his biological family.
She writes that she feels like her son has started to prefer his biological family over their own, writing, “My husband and myself are beginning to feel left out. This year, he spent Mother’s Day weekend with her. For Father’s Day, he went to meet his birth father’s dad, who is ill. My son suggested alternative things we could do with him and his family instead of our usual Mother’s and Father’s Day activities. My husband and I find we are uncertain what is the best way to deal with this situation. We don’t want to alienate our son, but our feelings are hurt by his enthusiasm for his birth family. It is beginning to feel that he is drifting away from our family and us. He is also becoming very critical of his siblings and their lives.”
The answer to her concerns comes from a sensitive family therapist who responds with compassion to everyone involved.