The Truth About Adoption

Searching for universal truths about adoption? At first glance, it might appear that there aren't any.

It is estimated that there are somewhere around 6 million adoptees in the US alone. Adoptees have parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more... both in their adoptive and biological families. Do the math. Adoption touches more than 50 million of us in a very direct - and different - way.

But universal truths?

For the more than 30 million Americans who make up the triad (adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents), there is an equal number of stories. No one's experience is a carbon copy of another's. Add to this the emotion generated by our individual and collective issues, losses, gains, joys, guilt, shame, or anger, and the cacophony is deafening.

Is all that noise our universal truth?

Generalizations Don't Work

Many of the misconceptions that exist today seem to stem from the mass generalizations made about adoption as a practice, and about each segment of the adoption community as a group. Efforts to apply certain "truths" about adoption have failed miserably. For example:

Adoption considers the best interests of the child as primary.
In her "Critical Assessment of the Uniform Adoption Act", law professor Ruth-Arlene Howe suggests that adoption law and practice have been moving away from putting the interests of the children first, and toward serving the interests of others.
Birthmothers need to be protected from their biological children.
This suggestion, by opponents of open records access for adult adoptees, is vehemently denied by many birthmothers, supported by others.
Adoption is a good thing.
The very concept of adoption is disputed. Adoptees - the supposed beneficiaries - express opinions ranging from thanking their birthparents for the choice they made, to those who believe adoption should be abolished, at anti-adoption Web sites.

There are, of course, facts about adoption that apply universally, including:

Legal fact: adoptees are parented by neither or only one of their biological parents.
Economic fact: adoption costs money, sometimes a great deal of money.
Social fact: whether Americans have a direct experience of adoption or not, we do not all understand it or support it.

But universal truths?

Issues abound, but we certainly don't agree about them.

Open records for adult adoptees is being debated in statehouses across the nation.
Adoption by gay men and lesbians has been banned in some states, approved in others.
Searching is an enormous issue. Tens of thousands of searching adoptees and birthparents are listed on the many national registries and listings; however, many never search at all, and some don't want to be found. Some adoptive parents take the lead on behalf of their children, while others struggle with fears.
And even discrimination against fat people by adoption agencies is claimed by the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.

No universal truths here, and we haven't even touched on ethics, best practices, open adoption, transracial adoption, single parent adoption, adoption by persons over 50, and many more.

We Are Uniquely Diverse

For every birthmother who was coerced or shamed into giving her child up for adoption, there is more than likely another who relinquished with full consent, full understanding, and a belief that she was doing what was best for her child.

For every birthfather who knew of the pregnancy, there is one or more who did not.

For every adoptive parent who, from a sense of insecurity, or from shame or embarrassment over the words "sterility" or "infertility", didn't tell an adopted child the truth, there are hundreds of thousands of adoptive parents who gave their children an understanding and awareness of their adoption from the very beginning.

And for every adoptee who feels twinges of guilt or betrayal - or even fear - at the thought of learning a birthparent's name, there are thousands waiting in line to know.

So, What Is The Truth About Adoption?

Is it our collective noise? Is it our individual losses, gains, joys, guilt, shame, or anger?

Whatever our personal truths might be, the Internet has become an enormous source of shared community for the adoption constellation.

Advocacy and activism have a very effective Web presence; adoption professionals have easy access to research and studies from around the world; expectant parents and those seeking to adopt are discovering new ways of networking; adoptive parents and their kids can take virtual heritage tours; most states have Web sites promoting the adoption of waiting children. And the Web is full of articles and opinions and historical perspectives which help to promote better understanding among members of both the non-adoption and adoption communities.

As we move out onto the Web to learn more about others in this unique family unit, perhaps we will come closer together and find that our universal truth is, in fact, an appreciation of our differences.

Great Books About Adoption

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Comments

This is a great article that points out the many different truths about adoption. There is no cut and dried truth that fits each adoption that occurs. That is very important for people to realize. Generalities are very easy to claim, but the truth is that each adoption is different. Telling the truth about experiences, whether from the birthparents, adoptive parents, or adoptee, is very important for adoption reform. Getting the varied experiences out there will help more people to learn about adoption in a new and more revealing way.

Posted by: culinary at 11/28/2005 06:27 AM

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