“For you, my firstborn, I break in a million tiny places. I break and melt and I feel joy and privilege and pain all at once.”
Natalie Brenner is the mother of two precious baby boys, one who came to her through adoption, one, just a few months younger, who came to her through birth.
She loves both her sons with a fierce passion, but with her firstborn, who was brought to her through the sacrifice of a loving birth mother, the love and joy are mingled with grief and worry. She writes, “Your little voice saying ‘momma’ melts my heart in ways no one else will,” but at the same time, she mourns the fact that his first mother is not to witness the most precious moments in his life. She writes, “You fit perfectly in our family because you are our family,” but she is keenly aware that he will encounter challenges in life because of his skin color.
Brenner beautifully captures the intense mixture of powerful and seemingly contradictory emotions that many adoptive moms experience.