Written from the perspective an adoptee, they share some intimate details about the core being of themselves and where they belong emotionally and physically. This article will point adoptive parents in the direction of how to best be there for their adopted children.
Adoptees Want you to Know These Things
I was adopted as an infant, during a time when adoption was still shrouded in secrecy. My birthmother kept her pregnancy hidden from her family for nearly seven months. Her parents and my biological father’s parents agreed she would be sent away to have me. She birthed me in a sterile room, frightened, with no familiar faces and no compassion for her situation. I was taken from her before she even had a chance to see me. Back then, this was considered acceptable. Today, we realize that this separation is traumatic for both the mother and the child, and we recognize that early experiences have a disproportionately large impact on the structure of the brain. I spent 82 days in foster care until I went home with my adoptive parents. My parents felt they were being “open” when they told me I was adopted, but no one helped me understand what adoption was. None of my friends were adopted, or maybe they just weren’t talking about it. Adoption was a big secret but I thought about it often. I wondered if my best friend’s mom might be my “real” mom. I wondered what was so wrong with me that my birth mom gave me away, and was she going to come back? I loved my family, so this idea caused great anxiety. I struggled to complete family tree and genealogy assignments in school.